I haven’t written in a long time, so this is me just getting some muddled thoughts onto the screen. My mom taught me a lot growing up but one thing I remember when it comes to writing is that sometimes you just have to start writing even if you aren’t sure where your end point is, and it will eventually start to flow.

On Josh and I’s two month anniversary I had this thought……

I love these days where we count every moment together. Where we document and notice many of our “firsts” as a married couple. The times when we remember with new amazement and excitement that we are The Bowers! I love it. Right now we have been married 88 days, 2,112 hours, 126,720 minutes. And soon it will be three months. But here is an honest and true thought I had, I look forward to the days, the months, and the years where we don’t even realize how much time has gone by, how many month anniversaries we have missed, and we just instinctively know who gets what side of the bed, because our lives are so utterly glued together that we hardly can remember the time we were a part. I look forward to that. 

Yesterday I celebrated 23 years of life. What a gift! 

For me, birthdays come with a lot of thinking and reflecting. Looking back and looking forward. There is nothing that quite marks the fleeting nature of life like the end of an age. I don’t mind getting older, I just mind not being better. My hope for this year (and this life) is that as my age increases so would my understanding of God and my comfort in my own skin. I have spent a majority of my life struggling through insecurity and the crushing weight of comparison, but this year I speak Grace! Grace! over my life and believe wholeheartedly God will continue to redeem me. 

I told my husband that the year of 16, 21, and 22 were the most growth filled of my life and I pray that over 23.

Marriage has changed me. Of course in the obvious ways but also in the not so obvious. I believe that marriage has increased my platform. What I mean by this is that I have been given more area to learn and to speak. Josh has taught me a freaking ton. And not in a “let me teach you how to be a real wife Em” but in a “I love you” and that, simply, is the example. I have never been more aware of God, inspired in prayer, or committed to reading Gods word. Doing life as a team is more powerful then I know how to put into words. Also, I am constantly laughing. 

a trip for Jesus.

every good adventure begins with a turbulent plane ride where I feel really stressed and consume lots of Delta biscoff cookies. this one began great.

FLORIDA+O2EXPERIENCE

this trip was epic through and through. words cannot describe how blessed i feel to have been a part of this team. being in Miami, Ft Lauderdale, and Melbourne there was a lot of wealth, big houses, beautiful clothes, and the high possibility of celebrity sightings, but being so close to this liefestyle made me realize more than ever how more than having money to boot and fame to boast of, the ones who are really blessed are us who share in the riches of the kingdom.

my eyes were opened once again to the wells of this world that overflow yet only create more desire. in Ft Lauderdale, Miami, and Melbourne we saw God move beyond expectation, beyond lights and music and capacity, into the realm where everything that is impossible is possible. its all a matter professing weakness, pursuing passion, and letting down the nets.

these events come and go so quickly yet the repercussions are eternal. eternal damnation to eternal salvation. the numbers were incredible but i know that the individuals were even greater and i look forward to continuing to pray for and be excited with each one who became a part of this heavenly family.

i was one of those behind the scenes people and i absolutely loved it. i recently told my boyfriend who was also on the trip that one of the highlights of this trip for me was traveling with this team of people i didn't know super super well and coming out on the otherside feeling like i was taking new and greater relationships back to montana. perhaps this little blog feels random and unclear but its more because i don't have many more words to say than it was beyond what i could have expected and i loved every bit of it. i am fired up to do it again. i am fired up to keep standing behind the vision of my Pastor Levi and his wife Jennie. and i am fired up to see the kingdom of God be advanced until heaven is full and hell is empty.
 
this trip was culture. it was lots of people. sun and coffee. chick-fil-a, dancing, and google maps. it was music and lights. it was a trip to spread hope, purity, and freedom. it was all about Jesus.

sushi: jonah style

I spent this Thanksgiving in the spudly land of Idaho. Much of the week was spent chasing and entertaining a two and half year old niece and an almost one year old nephew. My feeling at the end of the week….kids are straight up crazy, exhausting, and wonderful. 

Anyways!

During that time we spent one evening all sitting in the living room listening as my brother in law read Hope (my niece) her Bible stories before bed. After reading about the empty tomb (her favorite) she wanted to hear the story of Jonah.

It's a good story with great drawings of stormy seas and a small pale man sitting in the belly of a whale surrounded by dead fish and seaweed.

Lovely!

Have you ever heard a story that you have been familiar with your whole life and suddenly and randomly it feels like you are hearing it for the first time? This sometimes happens to me during sermons when a new perspective is presented, but from a children's bible with more pictures and colors than sentences?! Well…it happened to me. 

Jonah. A guy just like the rest of us. A guy with a heart that knew God but was still growing in letting his personal agenda fade in the presence of Gods heart; more concerned with self comfort than spiritual obedience. 

We have all done that right?

Yeah. About everyday five hundred times.

A guy who was very aware of his sin, because who when a storm hits your boat knows exactly why it's happening?

Seriously, his situation is quite plainly terrifying. 

In the moment of hearing this story unfold I thought of what this would truly be like. 

He is literally tossed over the side of a ship like a banana peel out of a car window. 

Sinking in an ocean that is total crazy town with huge waves, with propably some thunder and lightening to boot. The story says he recalls having weeds wrapped around his head and is down in the land at the root of the mountains. He has sunk to the bottom. At this point if it is not feeling terrible enough already what is that massive, slimy, bulging eyed creature headed straight for me? Oh. Right. Of course its huge gnarly mouth is opening and well…#throatwaterslidefordays

ok. 

All ridiculous commentary aside this is clearly insane!

Only God thinks up such outlandish ways to teach His children. 

Here is the thing, I honestly haven't read this story much but as the reality of this was playing through my mind things started coming into the light.

Go with me here….this is not new, or earth shattering by any means but this is true hope for the human condition. Consider the parallels of another familiar story.

A human, bound by his sin and selfishness, destined to run forever in the opposite direction of His greatest joy and fulfillment, causing others around him to fear and panic looking for a way to save themselves, tossed overboard and pulled down by the water and waves polluted with worldly sin and smog.

Then, God steps into action. He comes, sets up the system, and provides the most unlikely escape route. An alternative, a secret passage, a parachute that was the most unlovely and the most unexpected. 

This human spends three days and three nights in the dark insides of a whale, the world thought he was dead and gone forever.

Then, hope came to him again. It wasn't the easy, or pleasant, or comfortable route for him to take (literally) but that route, that bridge meant life. A second chance. 

For someone like me, realizing the depth of love and grace in a story like this is deeply life changing. Love truly changes everything. 

For God this was not a matter of Fish or cut bait, it was just Fish. 

The more I dive into the Bible, I uncover the stories that are treasures, that point straight to the Cross, that put a mirror to the Gospel. 

Stories, writings, songs, and cries of people like each of us that are literally snatched from the claws of eternal damnation. 

I would say even after reading and writing these thoughts it is not coming across as clearly as I would like, but that is just because my thought is simple and it is this….

I am glad that God saved Jonah. I am glad that God saved me. I am glad He is still saving me from myself. I am glad because this is a simple truth that I could spend the rest of my life being stoked about, and I will be. 

a borrowed tool. an eternal destiny.

recently I was reading 2 Kings and my eyes were opened to a new truth.....

 "So he went with them and when they came to the Jordan, they cut down trees. But as one was felling a log, his axe head fell into the water, and he cried out, "Alas, my master! It was borrowed." Then the man of God said "Where did it fall?" When he showed him the place, he cut off a branch and threw it in there and made the iron float. And he said, "Take it up". Se he reached in his hand and took it." 
-2 Kings 6:1-7

This is our salvation.
We were doomed, held captive, borrowed. By sin.
He is THE tree. We depend on him. Our life flows from Him.
Every breath.
He was cut down, sacrificed, killed. For us.

We are the axe head that was borrowed. Lost in the water.
Sinking to the bottom. Soon to be forgotten.

But....its not the end of the story.

And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it. 

-John 14:13-14

When the axe head (us) was lost in the water (the fall of man) there was intercession from the man of God to the master (God) on our behalf, so a sacrifice was made. A branch (Christ) was tossed into the same watery grave as the axe head, in order to save and renew (death on the cross).

And speak unto him, saying, Thus speaketh the LORD of hosts, saying, Behold the man whose name is The BRANCH; and he shall grow up out of his place, and he shall build the temple of the LORD: Even he shall build the temple of the LORD; and he shall bear the glory, and shall sit and rule upon his throne; and he shall be a priest upon his throne: and the counsel of peace shall be between them both.

-Zechariah 6:12-13

When the branch was tossed into the water by the man of God it floated to the top. It was iron. Iron doesn't float. But in this moment it was made light and buoyant. It was nothing short of a miracle. Our sins made us iron. Condemning us to death. The sacrifice on the cross broke the chains off of our future. Made us raised and glorified to life in Christ. Our salvation is nothing short of a miracle. 

This isn't particularly revolutionary, but it is a reminder of our redeemer. 

Remember what you have been rescued from, remember what you have been rescued for. 

And speak unto him, saying, Thus speaketh the LORD of hosts, saying, Behold the man whose name is The BRANCH; and he shall grow up out of his place, and he shall build the temple of the LORD: Even he shall build the temple of the LORD; and he shall bear the glory, and shall sit and rule upon his throne; and he shall be a priest upon his throne: and the counsel of peace shall be between them both.

-Zechariah 6:12-13

{ I N F L U E N C E }

this small musing has been in the works for quite sometime. ever since my birthday. july 26.

{B A C K S T O R Y}

what does this mean?
well.... I am still kinda figuring that out. but in my simple mind it means that you
have a backstory and you are someones backstory.

when my birthday rolled around i did the natural thing that i think alot of people do when they start getting older, i started looking back at the road i had come from and what kind of dents i had put in it.
i saw the places where the glowing and glittering paved path stole me, i also saw the places where the straight and narrow dirt road compelled me deeply and i chose Christ with heart+soul. and that is the map of this life. i am compelled. i'm either all in, or not at all. looking back sometimes i see places where the path had seemed to end and a mountain had to be climbed or there was a river to swim across. all these things are pictures of how i have viewed my life but more importantly, what has my life been full of? saturated with? overflowing from?

{F A I T H F U L N E S S}

and this is not speaking of my own doing. this is what Christ has done for me. He is committed to this relationship for eternity and i am reminded every day.

{H U M A N I T Y}

we walk together. we do life together. the paths that we all choose, those intersect with another. everyday.

here is my thought....

because we do life with other people naturally every interaction with have with them leaves us just a little different than we were before. the way that others choose to do life is in some part going to effect how we do life. for example....stephen the first martyr. if he had chosen not to love God and be a vessel he would not have died with such powerful grace, which in turn would not have impacted saul (paul) quite so deeply. stephen is apart of paul's back story. every celebrity, every president, and king or queen is the son or daughter of someone and their parents are apart of their backstory. the behind the scenes is a powerful and telling place. this is not to say that God cannot get it done on his own, this is to say that we are given very unique opportunities.

you have a backstory, and you are apart of someones backstory.

{C A R O L}

she was my grade school piano teacher. she was one of my best friends for along time and only now i have been able to see the lasting impact she placed on my life every tuesday from 1-2:30. at that piano bent over those keys, frustrated sometimes to the point of tears is where i saw an outstanding picture of love and grace beyond performance. she was almost 50, i was 12. even though i don't see her now, that relationship was gold to me.

{T W E N T Y O N E}

having turned 21 i was hit with the thought of who's backstory am i apart of? who have i breathed life into through my actions and words. our daily interactions are more incredible than we can realize. i am now twenty one, young in the eyes of the world, but that is already alot of years that will resound into eternity and speak of where my treasure has been stored up. my mind goes to Proverbs 16:24
"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body"
this is all very simple but my challenge is to remember your platform. the stage lights are never turned off, you are in a role that is very necessary because it is a supporting role. you are where you are at for a very unique purpose. you are apart of someones backstory, you are apart of who someone is. be fully who you are because you know that it is not about you.

 

all.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

"...but Christ is all, and in all." - Colossians 3:11

"For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together." - Colossians 1:16

"For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." - 2 Corinthians 5:14

all.
On my heart: He is all i need, in all i do, therefore i can do all things through Christ who is in me and and strengthens me, for His glory. this has brought me to realize that Christ doesn't do anything halfheartedly or incompletely. the work on the cross was finished, the tomb was sealed, the rock was rolled away, the graveclothes were totally empty, the ascent was totally final, and the sin was completely removed. For He who began a good work in you will carry it on to the day of completion. If Christ creates things in completion and is in the business of creating, wouldn't He want His created to be about the same work.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your might." - Deuteronomy 6:5

someday i pray to have a husband to have my heart and some children to call my very own. may it never be said of me that i didn't love them with all my heart and all my life. but also may it never be said of me that i didn't love my Lord as much as i loved them. if Christ Is all and In all than He will be my mission, my ministry, my marriage, and my must. a sweet guy told me recently that i need to embrace and accept the dark spots and corners of my heart that i have grown to hate and hide from. i have wrestled with this until i realized that if Christ is in my heart then i am in Him and as He was restored to the throne than there i am also. He created the fibers of my being and He knit them together. He dwells in all parts of our hearts, willing to bring light to consume the darkness.

this week there was a light that went out of our city. Billy was a member of my church (true north church of anchorage) I only saw him three times, but it was enough. His life added to the body of believers that makes our city, and world wide movement. The words that describe this life: accepting. seeking. loving. homeless. hurting.
This week Billy died sitting against a fence on 34th ave. Consumed by alcohol and the freezing temperatures of the alaska night. The church is still reeling from this loss. Drugs, abuse, crime, alcohol, and desire is rampant in this city. Its a place darkened by sin, but Alaska is very much apart of the all that Christ is in. Billy was very much apart of the all. We each have a place in the all. Not one is forgotten, not one is excluded. May we embrace the all as our calling. This is nothing new to you. This is simply a battle cry. The call to the abandoned life. Nothing is halfhearted for our God, He is our example. For me this needs to be played out in the way that I interact with people. My words need to be overtaken by Christ, I want my daily interactions to be saturated with kindness, tenderness, grace, and compassion. This is only possible through Christ, out of Him we cannot go.

Yes. this world is very corrupt. but if the corrupter is humans, well....there is hope in that because He created, loves, and died for humans. if the corrupter is sin, well....there is hope in that because He took it at the Cross. if the corrupter is satan, well.....there is hope in that as well because the battle is already won and satan is on a leash. so you see, there is hope. there will always be hope. this is the commission: to live for him fully, to love Him wholly, to find joy in Him always, to worship Him only, and to pursue and accept Him daily.

all.

free falling.

its an alaskan summer sunset. that means its very brightly colored. the umbrellas on the starbucks patio are spinning in the breeze. sunglasses are reflecting sun kissed mountain tops. i told my office manager today that i am taking a big deep breath and on the inhale attempting to bring as much of life as close into my heart and lungs as is possible. i want it all. all the adventures and opportunities and destinations that this life has to offer. but i can't have it all and life is tremendously short. and this is HIS STORY. i feel like its slipping through my fingers. like beach sand. but instead of of groping and grappling to keep it cradled in my palms i choose to watch it fall in slow motion. glinting off the sun. touching every particle of air. jumping on the breeze. piling up around my feet. on grain at a time. feeling it pile up around me and reminding me that i am the most blessed of people to be just one of those grains of sand. made to be beautiful. and made to be apart of the millions that fall at The feet. His feet. life cannot be caught and contained like a lightening bug in a jar but it can be freed and enjoyed like the sun released from a dark night. escaping the horizon. bringing all to light. i want to be trained to breath again. in and out. in and out. smiling. smiling. every breath hanging in the grip of surrender and salvation. i'm suspended in the balances of falling and reflecting. happy to be here. ready for the next breath of wind to take me on to the next dance.

surrender and salvation.

blessings under the burden of a broken air conditioner...

Happy July 20th.
I currently have my feet propped up on the stone hearth of a starbucks fireplace. Computer on lap. Ginger tea at my side, and Glen Hansard streaming through the speakers.
Can you say totally spoiled. I say totally blessed and....well yes very spoiled.
My heavenly Father delights in spoiling this daughter. I just know it.
I have made some exciting discoveries this week. They come by way of web addresses.
Check it.
www.littlebandofbrothers.blogspot.com
This blog is great. Great photography. Great stories.
A mother simply chronicles the life events of her four sweet sweet little men, through photos and words. I love having these small (uncreepy) glances into the lives of Christian families.
www.31bits.com
This. I love! Fashion and Africa all in one place! This website is pure quality and excellence and a good cause. It involves Uganda. Its close to my heart.
www.enthos.net
www.ephraimclothing.com
These are two sites that channel Biblical thinking into clothing. Perfect.
www.setapartgirl.com
This is the magazine of my one and only college experience. These issues are of pure excellence and creativity, flowing from the hearts of women that are beautifully surrendered to the Lord.

Since I am on the subject of treasures it reminds me of one of the sweetest treasures of my week.....

It was a Wednesday afternoon. I was sitting at my desk feeling sleepy under the consequences of a broken AC system.
The patients for the hour where checked in and the doctors were busy with physicals and follow ups on blood work. Goyte was sadly singing through the radio about somebody that he used to know. Then in "walked" my treasure. He was five. His skin matched the deep beautiful hue of my ugandan darlings. He was in a wheelchair and very happy. I was instantly drawn. Quite without planning it I soon found myself out in the waiting room down on my knees infront of him as he smiled at me with the sweet smile of a downs syndrome boy. My heart was melted instantly. His beautiful mother had just adopted him into her small family and was the most patient and loving woman I had encountered. There on my knees I was transported to the summer of 2009, where I found myself kneeling on the red roads instead of walking on them, with constant hands and voices calling me down to the little ones crying for a glance. It was so sweet to be graced by the presence of this sweet boy and to be reminded of the blessings that I am able to hold close to my heart through memories.
Treasures.

he who has ears to hear. let him hear.

another grey day covered by clouds and low temperatures. it is made brighter by Elephant Vanilla Chai and a carrot muffin. i think the little collection of wildflowers on my table is the promise of something yet to come.  the coffee shop is bustling today as the gloomy sky has driven everyone in to warm their chilled fingers. looking across the street i see the old train depot of downtown palmer surrounded by spotless white cherry blossom trees. memories of Washington dc come flooding back to me. the fragrance dripping off the blossoms of the trees. the emotion of finding a bend in the trail to behold the sun setting over the lincoln memorial. the fountains bubbling in the moonlight . architecture only beautified with the passing of time and visitors. i want to go back. i have yet to feel  the grass of the Arlington cemetery underneath my feet. 

"He who has ears to hear. Let him hear." -Matthew 11:15 

we are a generation of texts. tweets. and all things techy. but we haven't lost touch with all kinds of personal communication. the desire for face to face communication is still in us as humans, we are still relational creatures, in need of one another. a couple newly falling into interest can still find the beauty and richness found in a conversation over a cup of coffee, or the depth of heart that is communicated through the whispered words that pass as the sun melts into a vibrant horizon. they learn and love to speak with their eyes across a crowded room. i don't think we can ever fully give up the desire for relation to the hold of technology. the human heart can be shown and shared in so many ways. if chosen. so if we can relate, than we can absorb and understand. the ears of this generation have not been deafened by technology, they have only to choose to hear. every person of every generation must choose to let the eyes and ears of their hearts be opened. the message must never change, the presentation and reception must change. generations. trends. people. they change like the ebbing of the ocean. 

"whoever desires to love life and see good days let him keep his tongue from evil  and his lips from speaking deceit. let him turn away from evil and do good , let him seek peace and pursue it." -1 peter 3: 10-11 

i have been mulling over this idea of keeping my ears open to hear. i want to hear  broken hearts. to hear the words and the sighs that fall between the sentences. what is my testimony? what is the difference in my life that non believers don't understand? i don't drink, smoke, or chew. and i don't go with guys that do. so beyond being different than the social norms how is my life different. do i have ears that hear. a tongue that speaks life and love. hands that receive brokenness and give compassion. feet that are purposed in the spreading of the gospel. Jesus was burdened with this purpose. He was so intertwined in the Fathers heart that He recognized the true broken touch on the hem of his robe. He had eyes to see the little man up in the tree. Ears that heard the weeping of sisters as they mourned the death of their dear brother. Hands that loved so deeply they were willing to be nailed to two rough beams of wood. where is my passion and purpose. i have to choose to hear. choose to walk. choose to surrender my life everyday to be pinned to cross. 

"for the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer"-1 Peter 3:12

may my ears be ever open and receptive. 

the set apart life.

the sun is filling this valley with warmth, light, and the promise of all things green! the streets are busy with bikes, families, dogs, and a generally happy countenance. new life is being born in the thawing ground, and the hearts that have been so long winterized. couples, long married and newly falling in love, walk the street finding one anothers hand at their side, fingers intwining. the coffee shop is humming with activity. iced coffee and italian cream sodas. spring gardening magazines. happy tunes from the guitar performer. kids wearing khaki shorts, polo shirts, and jelly sandals. the snow is but three days off the ground, and in many parking lots it is still piled high, but Palmer is already taking advantage of the warming rays. for me the inviting temperatures means lemon ice water at my side and a cotton coral cardigan. across the street the old train depot is the main attraction for playful dogs and kiddos alike, women chatting over the latest purses and the hairdresser new in town, and old men marveling the many feet of snow piled up this winter. its a good scene for me to observe. i'm so so expectant for the summer ahead. these are the days i long for a puppy or a loving human companion, but then sometimes only these things can be noticed or enjoyed alone.

   what new thoughts are being born in my mind with the arrival of spring? the Set-Apart Life. 

"I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst and be separate (SET APART) from them, says the Lord." -2 Corinthians 6:16 and 18. This is a concept that has long been in my mind, i have just been struggling to bring it to fruition. this set apartness was taught in the days of william wallace and lady marian, it was called chivalry, heroism, masculinity, and femininity. it was strength and courage of heart and deeds on the battle field and impeccable honor and decorum in the castle. so what does the set apart life look like and mean in this generation?  firstly, for women. in my mind this comes through devotion to biblical morals and standards so clearly mapped out in the Bible for us. this is the protection of heart, mind, body, and emotions. this is understanding our worth and valuableness in Christ's eyes. this means being set apart from the crowd. not in a way that screams for attention but is a quiet abiding in the supremacy and goodness of Christ. being romanced and pursued by the creator. women everyday have to battle their humanness, their need for attention, to rest knowing the goodness of the Lord. clothing ourselves in dignity and humility. gentleness and grace. resisting the clutches of devil and world upon our personality and identity. its a hard concept for me to wrap my mind around. much harder for me to be able to practice daily. for men? well its harder for me to put this one into words since i don't fully understand the minds and struggles of men but i do personally know what a set apart girl wants to find in a set apart guy. a heart, mind, and body committed to the work and glory of the Lord. a desire to protect and honor their sister, mother, and friend. a man of steel on the battle field and a man of down when caring for the sheep. a man who is thoughtful and loving in his actions and intentions. this is very jane austen. but i am not ready to say that it cannot be found in this generation. i am not going to start wearing ball gowns and curtsying when i enter a room and i'll still hunt and fish and climb mountains but its the set apart life that flows out of the set apart heart. our bodies, our styles, our speech, our likes and dislikes change with the times but the standards and morals of our God do not. a heart of holiness cultivates the soil for a harvest of happiness. i have had to actively work at allowing myself to be feminine, to enjoy loveliness, to show emotion, and to love that which is unique. may my King find me wholly and fully devoted. set apart for His good and perfect work. 

-em.     

oh captain, my captain.

DISCLAIMER: this will be a very random post.
peonies. my favorite flower. i think i love flowers because they remind me of the fragility of life, but also the perfect care of the Father. "The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of the Lord remains forever." also, they usually smell good and are such deeply natural colors that they cannot be recreated. this reminds me on the way home from work on thursday as i was driving across the valley the blueness of the sky was undefinable. the hue of the sky changes with each season and it cannot be matched.

the hallway between open doors. this is how i would describe my life at this point in time. i have just come from a time of intensive discipleship and concentrated spiritual depth. i have walked the hallway of deciding where to move and what job to pursue. now i feel myself approaching a new and opening door.  recent events in my life have led me to believe that there are significant changes ahead for me and i am very expectant.

alot of thoughts have been bouncing around in my head lately as far as what it means for the joy of the Lord to be my strength. but that will be my next post. for now my feet are up, my heart is happy, my God is good. always.
Goodnight.

in the wilderness.

Lately I have been pondering the area of TRUST. my area of TRUST. It was brought closer to my attention several nights ago as I was reading exodus through the way in which the Lord so carefully orchestrated the almost painful neediness and dependency of the Israelites as they were brought into the wilderness. As the Lord began to provide the manna and quail the Israelites responded in a very "human" way. they began to gather two and three days worth. To care for themselves. Yet as they began to gather more than was needed for the day it would spoil. On Saturday the Lord directed them to gather two days worth for the sabbath. The Lord was teaching them total dependance; absolute trust for their well being. He never left them, never abandoned them. Hidden but not absent. The patience of the Lord continues to astound me as I read the text. As random as it may be this makes me think of the three large moose that sleep in my back yard. They spend the days roaming the street and making a meal of any tree branches they can reach. Day by day. Dumb animals but completely dependent. As the saying goes "one day at a time", I find myself needing to revise for my life and say "one moment at a time". For I know our breath hangs in the palms of the Creator, completely safe. Completely dependent.
TRUST. Difficult for me to keep a hold on yet I find they only thing I must hold onto is the hand in which my life is found. It is a beautiful thing. When I am found in the wilderness may I fill my bag with that which is provided. In the shadow of His wings.

future thoughts.

when i am bored i often roll up my pants and clean. clean.
yesterday i had been in the house for two days without being out so what did i do?
rolled up my pants and started cleaning the kitchen.
dishes. microwave. refrigerator. toaster. floor. stove.
as i was cleaning the stove a thought came to me.
my family. my kids.
this thought came to my head.... "if i have a husband and children someday i want to make sure we have a gas stove so i can still make my kiddos hot chocolate even when the power goes out"
i know this makes no sense or seems completely random. but this is my wish, i want my kids to know that i am their mum. the one that takes care of them always.
i often think of my kids. then i think of whose child i am. i am the child of my parents. the child of my King.
may i find my parenting role model from them.

three weeks.

a journal of photos.....

Theo.

this evening my family and i drove down to the Theodore Rosevelt National Park. the drive down through the canyon revealed the hidden beauty of North Dakota. after walking through a gate clearly marked "Road Closed" we found a camp spot and fried up some killer diller burgers! a bit of exploring and buffalo teasing and we were back on the road again. after i had my fill of coffee ice cream at brian and susannahs little trailer home i made my way back to my little trailer and marveled at a wide open cloudless sky studded with stars. oh what a God i'm in love with.
-Em

Simple.

I have been inspired. My sweetest sister-in-law Amanda Minatra up-keeps her blog, www.montanaminatras.blogspot.com , very regularly and I realized that its hard to find someone that posts often, so i'm giving this another go.

For any of you that have ever followed my blog in the past you might be surprised at the simplicity of the background and colors of this but I was pondering the fact that i'm not a terribly simplistic person so i am becoming an activist on this score. not everything has to be simplistic all the time for me but i think i need to practice it for a season. i have been doing alot of packing and moving and traveling the last couple months and when it comes to packing simplistic and well ordered is not the high point.

anyhow, i am hoping to keep a simple (there it is again) journal of my summers adventures. words. descriptions. quotes. photos. scribbles.

i am here in north dakota visiting family in the one street, old buildings, lilac bushes on every corner, freindly people, tiny town of Watford City. on wednesday i will hop on the Amtrak and eleven hours later arrive in Big Sky Montana! thus begins a summer of craziness but just hold on to your boot straps those stories will come :)

bear with me as i am "relearning" photography. i don't have much confidence yet but it will come, but here are a few shots to wet our appetites.

-Em

P.s. my sweet darling sister Beccuh is off gathering a suitcase of senses in Europe. i am so proud of her.

November 23. 2010. 10:30.

Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been fathered by God and knows God. The person who does not love does not know God, because God is love.By this the love of God is revealed in us:that God has sent his one and only Son into the world so that we may live through him.In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Dear friends, if God so loved us, then we also ought to love one another.No one has seen God at any time.If we love one another, God resides in us, and his love is perfected in us.By this we know that we reside in God and he in us: in that he has given us of his Spirit.And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.

If anyone confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God resides in him and he in God.And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has in us.God is love, and the one who resides in love resides in God, and God resides in him.By this love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment, because just as Jesus is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love.We love because he loved us first.

If anyone says“I love God” and yet hates his fellow Christian,he is a liar, because the one who does not love his fellow Christian whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.And the commandment we have from him is this: that the one who loves God should love his fellow Christian too.
-1 John 4:7-21

November. 3. 2010. 3:48.

Someone told me today..."but whatever you do, do it with grace em. everyone needs grace, everyone needs a smile when things just don't make sense, when there's no reason to smile other than the fact that God is in control and life goes on.".....

The weeks have been long and short and I wander if time moves as quickly to other people. I have been enjoying my job at Turkey Red and all the oppourtunities that have come with it. We have had two big dumps of snow so far and I see more clouds rolling in on the horizon. The search for a place for me to live continues. In God's timing.

My dear sister who is out of state for college sent me a lovely package today, i'm waiting till i get home to the warm lamplight of my room to open it and most likely shed some tears. I feel as if picking up blogging again is like therapy for me. My mama and I were talking today, as we watched our little Daisy dog romp wildly in the snow outside the library, about how the holidays are going to be very very different this year and will be spent with only four from the family.

There is a beautiful little family that comes into the resturant quite often. The mother is so attentive and extremely loving to her two boys and girl. I love their style of bulky sweaters and unique boots. I think the live on a farm just out of town. The kids are so sweet and well behaved and imaginative. They are a blessing to see come shuffling in through the door.

Situations for me are rough in life right now and I don't quite know how to write about them. I don't think I can ponder on them to long. I just know that the person I am inside and the person who is masking that are in a constant struggle against one another. The words of the Lord through Isaiah have been taped to my steering wheel and pressed on my mind.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you.

Gods words are always so full of promise. These posts help me see into the "sparkling raindrops" of my day.

Here are some photos from the fall that might add some lively color to this page......

to the girl always in my heart. Loo.

Kyle and Katie. December 18, 2009.

thus far.

one bright afternoon this past week Papa and Mama and Bec and I took an itty bitty roadtrip up to Branson. Branson is an old (and some new) 'show town'. a regular christian vegas. along the way we stopped at 'the college of the ozarks', a christian college that has a beautiful, natural and sprawling campus and no tuition! the students work at the mill, dairy, electric plant, postoffice, jelly and preserves department, church, hospital, etc. its quite neat indeed. i took a few pictures along the way.....